HAVE YOU EVER SEEN a
300-pound lady naked and covered in Vaseline? No? Me either; when I met Betty
she was fully clothed, but her naked Vaseline escapade was legendary. In the
real world, there aren’t many opportunities to see people walking around naked coated
in Vaseline – but I didn’t meet Betty in the real world. I met Betty in prison.
Prisoners are often
compared to animals in the zoo, which is a somewhat obvious comparison when one
of them is running around naked, shrieking like a wild (and naked) banshee. In
truth, though, prison is far more like a circus than a zoo. Many of the circus
personalities are present: you have your fat lady, your bearded ladies, your acrobats,
and even sword swallowers. Well, not sword swallowers. But there are many individuals
who are very talented at “swallowing” a surprising amount of contraband with
their vaginas. Prison is not your average circus experience – and a felony
conviction is the price of admission – but, in the right light, it is a circus
nonetheless. Here are the featured performers:
The Fat Lady: It is perhaps doing Betty a disservice to call her the Fat Lady; she was far
more entertaining than your typical circus Fat Lady. She was, however, over 300
pounds. A dedicated alcoholic, Betty went to jail more frequently than some
people do their laundry. She had a penchant for getting arrested either naked
or half-naked and sometimes dropping her drawers – while handcuffed – to moon
whichever unfortunate judge happened to be remanding her that particular day. Although
Betty was fat in a literal sense, the key thing about the Fat Lady is that
everyone wants to stare. Whether or not they are actually overweight, the Fat
Ladies of prison fascinate and often horrify onlookers by doing unexpected and
shocking things, things no one can help but watch. Maybe they decide to take a
crap on the floor, maybe they have a screaming match with an imaginary person,
maybe they decide to take a swing at someone for invading their dreams.
Sometimes, this type of Fat Lady has mental health issues -- but sometimes it’s
just an act. Usually the onlookers know, but not always. In either case, it is
difficult not to watch.
Lion Tamer: The
lion tamer has a difficult task, and one that could go horribly, horribly wrong
-- just like those inmates who have sex with corrections officers during their
prison stays. In some cases, it’s clearly against the inmate’s will; in others,
the inmate is a willing party. In all cases, the inmate is in grave danger. If
it’s voluntary, the inmate is in danger of being placed in solitary
confinement. If it’s involuntary … the inmate is still in danger of being
placed in solitary confinement. In fact, in the latter case, they are both in
danger of being placed in solitary confinement for telling and of being placed
in solitary confinement for being found out. In theory, reporting a sexual
assault should not result in retribution. Perhaps predictably, in reality it
does. Essentially, no matter what, the lion eats you.
The Bearded Lady: There
is a whole coterie of bearded ladies in prison. See, on the outside, women with
facial hair generally shave it, tweeze, or do anything in their power to get
rid of it. On the inside, though, some don’t bother. Why? Because they’re
“gay for the stay.” So many women find prison girlfriends that it’s generated a
phrase, an axiom of prison existence: “Gay for the stay, straight at the gate.”
Of those who go gay for the stay, there are two basic types -- femmes and AGs,
or aggressors. Femmes are, as the moniker implies, the girly types. AGs are the
more butch lesbians. Although the majority were not transgender on the outside
and do not identify as transgender on the inside, many insist on masculine
pronouns during their prison stay and are generally referred to as boys. Because
I had short hair during my circus tour, even C.O.s would refer to me as “he.”
I didn’t seem very masculine, though, so the short hair confused people
and they would often asked, “Are you a boy or not?”
Human Cannonball: A man
being shot out of a cannon clearly has little regard for personal safety.
Essentially, the human cannonball just doesn’t give a shit. Just like the
jailhouse lawyer. It may perhaps surprise those unfamiliar with the carceral
circus to learn that jailhouse lawyering is such a dangerous job, but it
certainly is. The exact repercussions can vary greatly from one facility to the
next. In some facilities, the biggest risk is a little extra hatred from the
guards. In other facilities, helping one’s fellow inmates with legal paperwork
is a major rules violation and will result in solitary confinement if
discovered. Despite this risk, there are generous souls who do it anyway.
My friend, Henrietta,
did months in solitary for helping other inmates with legal paperwork.
Repeatedly. She knew that she was breaking the rules. She’d been punished
before. She didn’t care. Unlike a human cannonball, she didn’t engage in
dangerous activities for the sake of entertainment. She did it because it was
the right thing to do. People needed help and
she had the skills. So she helped.
Acrobats: In the real
circus, acrobats seem to defy the rules of gravity; in the carceral circus,
they just defy the rules. It should come as no surprise that there are some
inmates who refuse to follow the rules. They get high, they make out in the
bathroom, they get in fights, they steal. They get away with it an awful lot of
the time, but when they don’t, they turn into a contortionist.
Contortionists: Contortionism involves tying oneself in knots, sometimes while confined in a
tiny box -- not unlike those inmates who land in solitary confinement. With
traditional contortionists, crowds watch as the performer twists body in
painful knots. With solitary confinement, the inmate watches as his or her own
mind twists into painful knots as the days drone on and the contortionist loses
touch with reality in a nightless, always-lit cell with no human contact.
Tight-Rope Walkers: That’s everyone. Everyone in prison is doing a tightrope walk,
every single day trying to maintain some shred of dignity or sense of self when
you have regular strip searches and are identified only by a number. You teeter
between a person and a piece of property; between choosing to stay sober and
returning to drugs; between finding redemption and becoming a statistic.
Spectators: No
show is complete without an audience. And who is the audience in this case?
Why, the guards, of course. Ultimately any show is answerable to the
spectators, and ultimately every inmate is answerable to the guards. Granted,
in this case, the spectators have the ability to send the performers to
solitary confinement, which is something they do with great regularity and for
the most absurd of reasons.
Guessing the reason for
someone being placed in solitary is as ridiculous as any carnival game. Except
that carnival games may be a little fairer. In the carceral carnival, you can
go to solitary for major things, like having a weapon or smuggling drugs, but
you can also go to solitary for minor things, like having too many postage
stamps or talking back or missing an appointment. Most solitary stays aren’t
particularly short, either -- in state prisons, it’s usually a few months, but
some people spend years or even decades in solitary confinement.
World’s Tallest Man: The World’s Tallest Man is above it all. This is what every
inmate wants. Well, perhaps not -- some like the drama of being more directly
involved in the show. With a little luck and a lot of resolve, any inmate can
stay above it all. Stay in your bunk and read. Keep to yourself. Don’t give the
guards any reason to remember your name. Stay out of trouble. Be anonymous.
Almost no one does it perfectly -- you probably won’t be the World’s Tallest
Man. But if you do your time the right way, you can at least be tall enough to
stay out of the fray.
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Of course, the circus is
not the real world. The circus is where people go to escape, whether it’s for a
night or more permanently, such as if they’ve run off to join the circus.
Prison is a circus that no one chooses to run off to – but it’s just as, or
more, removed from the real world than any Barnum and Bailey affair.
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